Wahhwoozzzzlleeeeeeeeedooooooddddllleeeeeeeeepatanggrakkkakkkhhaaakkatan!

You please repeat...

"What is it about people on this website and attracting total headcases?"

Heh when Garth gets the signatures back, thats going in my signature!

...and lets not forget emo...

Miranda is a top bloke...err..bird, no...ladyperson, yeah, that'll do

Don't you have a couple of bazookas I could lay my hands on? (massive apologies in advance.)

Im on your pizza, burning your mouth.

Oh youre mean! Why are you called Sargent Sexual, are you in the army?

When I do finally nail that book, you'll be one of the first to receive a copy. Fuck, I might even get you to proof-read it, you lucky bugger.

I bet you're not even a Sgt really...*sigh*

...like a Jersey cow baby!

You know who i am?

Hows that?

The only principles I'm aware of is the one in the shopping centre where you can hang around the changing rooms...if..errr...I mean...

and those curtains are wipe clean you know...

not that I care like, coz I'm hard innit...*does finger slappy thing*

As i am a man of many talents, what say we put them together and see what we come up with? hehe

mmm sounds good :D, i will wear my "get lucky" boxers

oh come on, you got to tell me now!!

i was thinking along the lines of a king size bed :P what you say to that SGT. Sexual

rofl, cant i be in charge of cleaning you afterwards :P

Well bully for you I've had a shite weekend that borders on 'self-harm-for-fun' miserablism...my therapist said there'd be days like this....

Oh and stop publically flirting...it adds to my feelings of low self esteem.

Other than that its all gravy

My weekend was so cack because of band bollocks. Our singer decided to have a public meltdown and walked off stage halfway through the set...I don't *do* public humiliation very well! Mind you a bottle of JD last night certainly eased its passage through my system

Oh well

You ok now?

so which one are you then? not that your ugly, you v.sexy :P

but the weird ones are always the coolest :D

So when did you stop appearing in porn?

now *that* was sexy

well, I have only been looking in the 'B' section for beastiality and bukkake - have you started expanding your repetoire?

well i can be pretty wierd, watch this:

"cheese was the cause of the A bomb being detonated"

I think it really did happen like that, its a conspiracy and we have uncovered it!

hope we don't mysteriously vanish and no-one ever hears of us again

nooooo you cant!

who will i randomly chat to?!?!?

lol how did u do tht?

did you stub your toe, i find it so funny when ppl do that

you'd never go out!

Hells yes! Used to play that game for hours on end!!!!!!!!

thanks mate. BTW i got it sorted out. see my column to reasd the full story! :) x

A 'punter' is having a knee trembler up a sidestreet in London with Pat Butcher-a-like lady of the night...
Punter: "grunt....if I'd known you were a virgin I would have paid you treble"

Ho: "If you'd paid me treble I'd have taken me tights off"

Glad to hear that.
Go give me some validation on my latest bloggeh. :-P
Oh the next fortnight cant go quick enough, even if that includes assistance from M.J. Fox in a souped up DeLorian. :->

Sorry, was my interpretation of what you was saying =), i will edit that appropriately.

today you are the top most bird in the whole of Hastings - tomorrow I may have a dump and think..."meh"

However it went, I hope you had a good 21st. You deserve it, you an exceptionally gifted and desirable woman (for a skinny bird) and I wish you all the best. xx

BBB

that was harsh!

Oh, I have absolutely no doubt about that

lol was that comment aimed at my sexy-ness?

lol oh the sarcasm makes me smile :D

maybe one day i will reveal myself "goes to take off mask"

lol would be quite funny might get in the observer :P x

hehe think you are right there :P it might be cut out and kept be the museums? or by someone else *shifty eyes* hehe x

Go get em' Fluffeh! :-)

lol that is v.true (part about blackmail)

aww you do look cute and a tad bit shexy :P

The pleasure is all mine m'lady :D

awww i not heard that song :(

X

oh a hint of bitterness? that makes for fiesty......

think i am gonna have to downkload that song now :P

i am sure he does, if he does'nt then more fool him


i think you would be sexy when you are angry

and yeah i do know what you mean, happened to quite a few people x

See sexy when your angry :P now hows about chucking us some more cute pics :P

yeah i am sure you are nice :D, yeah i am like that, its not very often i do get that pissed off but when i do, i really go off on one lol

X

Why thank you Miranda, you yourself are a lovely exception to the rule xxx

So I try and introduce a column about the juxtaposition of misogyny and an Oedipal complex by proxy and all you want to do is talk about wanking....gah!

Its all masturbation with you, insn't ;-)

Where abouts is Uni?

I must drag you out for some tender loving liver damage one day soon....for a girl, you rock!

oh, I don't know, I try x

thanks :D

just out of interest... why am I rubbish?

I like your profile picture you look like a homely housewife :]

This is ment to be a compliment by the way, although reading it back it might not sound to great!

erm... thanks... well... I'll try hard next time :-/

OH my god i cant believe you just wrote that! Im really insulted! *mood*

Lol?!

When I first moved to Hastings (back in the day) I was advised that the only money you had to part with to get laid in Hastings was the entry to Dennies...Oh how I miss those sticky carpets!

I haven't seen the "ladies" in question, but I'm guessing... they're lap-dancers, in *Hastings*, ergo...

I was indeed. I thought you might need a bit of comforting. Try to keep your chin up xxx

Heh. I like the idea of a bald emo trying to look all serious and glum, but actually just looking constantly surprised. (Assuming you got his eyebrows as well, of course).

And I'll try not to deal any more crippling blows to your reputation, promise. :-)

Yes I think that would be best. Come to Jackson, I'll make it better xxxx

Hero? Coooooool, I always wanted to be a hero. Anytime though, seriously x

You made me laugh. It's gone 8pm and I'm still trapped at work with no end in sight, so the relief you provided me was well needed (oo-er).

Heh. No. But after another hour or so of going hard at it I decided I couldn't keep it up anymore and let myself go. :-0

I felt a great release once it was all over, and by the time I made my exit I was fully spent.

(I'm making myself laugh now - I think this week has taken it's toll on my mental wellbeing).

of course, im a peaceful kinda lass.x

hey there, so how long have u been a member of this seemingly wonderfl sight?

I don't know about creepy. Blogs are certainly therapeutic mainly because it *appears* to be a fairly supportive medium from the few who read them. It only gets weird if your audience start thinking they actually know you, having never met you. So I take it no stalkers yet? Then its ok. I opened up on my Myspace blog recently and its amazing how many people read your shit but just 'lurk' and make no comment...thats a bit creepy. I think your writing is remarkably insightful and funny, just keep a bit back for yourself I reckon.
Oh & sorry, didn't mean to embarrass, just call it as I see it. True to say, I would probably call you a twat if I thought you were being one, too

"Stop complimenting my writing, I'm glad you enjoy it but have an irrational phobia that compliments make ability lessen. (I'm sure that says something horrible about the state of my mind, LOL.)"

Yes, it says anally retentive...:-)

4 and a half years wow pretty impress friends and enemies huh? well theres a down side to all but to keep u if only slightly entertained for 4 and a half years must have something to offer x

yeah ur definately one of the nice people. yeah well i wont ask if its a long story but i find it hard to find pubs/bars in hastings i actualy like x

Suitcase cake sounds pretty cool - one to add to the ideas list.

I'm currently working on a *very* ambitious plan for a christmas cake that I'm *really* excited about. If it turns out to be half as good as the picture I've got in my head it's going to unbelievable. Although it will most likely end up as a toppled pile of splodge.

I've got a concept sketch at work - I'll scan it and upload.

Oops. That would be bad.

I'd suggest not buggering it up then...

:-)

I used to be a bad nn sleeper. After a circuitous route of meds and quack remedies, touring sorted me out. Staying up 36 hours straight until your psyche says NO MORE. Sleep for a few hours then your normal pattern kinda kicks back in. Here's a tip from the horses mouth (arse)

1. Don't 'worry' about not sleeping. Anxiety because you can't sleep enhances the problem considerably. If you find yourself awake at fuck o'clock, so what, its ok, 25% of the population will be in the same boat. Just work through the rest of the following day. Do not be tempted to catch up with a nap or prop yourself up with caffiene. Use the time constructively to do study, read or write rambling hormonal blogs...oh...wait...

2. Things that will knock you out won't necessarily rest you (alcohol especially) and avoid meds for sleeping at all costs. 90% of hypnotics and sleepers enduce and aggravate depression (trust me on this!). One fantastic tip I was given was to try 'Night time Benelyn' (thats right, the cough mixture) not only does it induce a chilled sleep but you have some really cool dreams into the bargain!

Trust me I'm (not) a doctor!

B

Yeah maybe a little bit. But it sounds funny, so thats more important than it being true.

cheers x the only picture i have of myself because someone else ook it, when i pose i look like a bit of a tit :P x

flabby? from the looks of that picture there is nothing of u love! i'd love that although i cant complain i recently lost 5 stone so im far more grateful for my figure now x

know the feeling lol, i havent got any pics unfortunately but lets just say not a pretty site lol x

oh well basically he is an ex alcoholic and heroin addict i have just discovered he says hes an ex alcoholic but he drinks with me so i just cant be with him but i think its because of his previous drug problems that he is o co-dependent i know he needs love but i just cant be the one to giv it to him, i dont think im a strong enough person myself :( shame in a different time and place i think it cold have been great x

Thank you. So there are some friendly people here. Nice to know. *waves*

i am out and the reminder will be definately taken :) x

For you darlin' - thirty. ;) x

Why yes, yes it does,

The Jean-Paul Satre of the board strikes again...:-)

Actually, you're the first. Thanks very nuch.

Just quoting 'Groundsman Willie' from The Simpsons medear

No not at all luckily. I had booked today off work too and had a lovely lie in which was very indulgent. Back to work 2moz though!

thankyou babe that was taken on new years eve, was quite shocked i was even standing :P x

Filthy Bitch yourself. I'm good Lady Miranda! Had that nasty flu bug over xmas and new years which was a shame, managed to enjoy the holidays thought.

I wont ask how you are as i ready your journals, but feel free to eleborate on any details you may have missed out :]

Although it might give the hubby/bride to be some valid concerns if;
a) They suggested it,
b) Didn't have change from what they normally wear....

Present company excluded obviously...

Shhh, I'm not really here. Looking for an old photo but apparently they dont exist anymore

What... make them wear leopard print and big earings?...oh no wait, thats Bet Lynching

unfortunately, ownership of a car requires the possession of a job :(

getting much better thank u sweetie how are you ? xxx

o.O

lol no your not!! i nvr said anything of the such, i bet ur lovely!

hehe well it wasnt about that :P

we all done that, lol.

hows your work thingy coming along?

yeah i couldnt remember what you worked as hehe

I am loving your work!

It does you good missis

x

Not the bank. BSF next to Icelands.

Nope. It was seven floors of Barclays goodness so there was a lot of people I didnt know.

haha good question, M&S and a few other places. Yourself? :)

I have the problem of having big quads which means most boxers are uncomfortable around the thigh region and im certainly not one for those girly briefs, thats just plain wrong!

whats with the sarcasm?

Tight... not how i like them. :)

oh ok - I thought you were being ironic... unless you are still being ironic and I'm not getting it... damn my sensitivity!

lol now i cant stop thinking about how big!!

yeah the o.O is úber

mwhahahaha

hey sgt hows it going did you have a good valentines day?

hey ive been having bad few weeks not sleeping well and im def a night person. So you sound really busy dont expect you have much time for anything else ? do you like the new pic?

I want Miranda more than a fat kid wants dinner

no its just me im weird he he , no they are and they are bloody comfortable.

I will post a pic soon, unfortunately the specs had to go back for a replacement lens as there was a fault. Grrrrr

Yup... like the plague.

All jobs are tedious in their ways though... The job I do now (and am supposed to be doing right now-oh the irony) gets so tedious that at times I feel like sticking pens in my eyes and then making my eyeballs dance on the end of the pens in a bizarre montage of that Charlie Chaplin film where he makes the poatatoes dance on forks and Demolition Man where Wesley Snipes has that guys eye out so he can escape from the cyro prison.

if you want me to do one of course i can ,or do u want a lust spell he he

cant make someone fall in love with you hun as 4 free will etc but can help them think of you in different light and lust after u .If you change u r mind hun let me know .

what about it...*cough*

...*looks bemused*

oh hun huge big hugs going out to you xxxx

Well, if nothing else you're propping up the comment count on my profile. It'd be pretty sparse otherwise :-).

Seriously though, I hope things work themselves out for you soon.

M

I was out rehearsing today and you popped into my subconscious whilst playing. Hope you're a bit more chipper today. Will be writing tonite so will be about on line if y ou want to catch up

xx

you are welcome

lol Im sooo enjoying the 'sad cunt's - you go girl!

hey sweetie hows u today .

just worried for you hun

you are worth it dont say that naughty lady

You are sweetie xxxxxxxx

sorry I didn't answer earlier - was in The Arndale, shite reception.

What are *we* like

xxx

my day worse moving house as broken up with partner of 14 years.

so wont be online for a while as moving boardband

hey sweetie i love the new pic xxxx

dont worry its always the mans fault :P xxx

Hey sweetie hows you ?

thank you for replying
x

good thanks hun im begining to enjoy life again x

hey sweetie u ok?

Yeah really good just booked a hoilday in may so looking forward to that . you feeling better ?

Where you bin hiding, miss?

scotland really looking forward to it .

Y'see I never quite get if you're being spikey or playful...
oh the joys of the typed word!

x

I was going to ask what your price was, but then reading it out of context here I suddenly realised it sounds a bit dodgy. In fact, just pretend I never even posted this...

You're a sweetheart

Re your shortbread comment, I saw this and thought of you...

"http://.$this->chopurl("www.despair.com/destiny.html").""

:-)

Yay, we should have train carriages with ratings like films. U - suitable for all, 15 - over 15's only, and over 18's only in another section. They could even have a seniors section, with tea and biscuits.... :)

Heh, I'll try that at my dad's birthday in a few weeks.

"Well, I *thought* about getting you a present, and it's the thought that counts isn't it?"

Yeah its going good. I can drive quite competently, I'm just not very good at getting through the test.

Third time lucky...

Thank'ee.

Same to you.

Some of us are so good at it we do it twice!

Been reviewing the CCTV footage from Primark...a cracking watch and no mistake

xx

must ...resist...urge...to do...crude...'wet'...pun....nnnng....

must ...resist...urge...to do...crude...'wet'...pun....nnnng....

must ...resist...urge...to do...crude...'wet'...pun....nnnng....

must ...resist...urge...to do...crude...'wet'...pun....nnnng....

*looks up* so much for the "error" message that kept popping up when posting that...

*shakes willy at Garth*

*twangs his elastic band at drums willy *

a) you are definitely uniquely individual

b) hats look stupid...end of

7) x

*points - "boobs" runs away*

;-)

*snigger*....she said boobs*

The chance would be a fine thing :-)

Let the gargalesis commence...

*reaches hands through the Internets*

so you have been in ... was I there??
Yer I got 2 in mind that you like (I think) .

Heh heh, nope, not blonde

I *luurve* the humiliation and a wee bit of pain...slap, slap and thrice slap Mistress Boobarella!

;-)

good good .. Im afraid my website not really up to scratch .. but got meeting today to try and sort that out ..look forward to fitting you with a hat :-)

"to everyone else, you're just a dirty old man xxxxx'

Eh?

Say what now?

Tsk...the youth of today...I remember when this were all fields...

I'll get my coat

The first one, my dear...

I know :P

I should be saying the same thing though... you dont love me!! :(

Ah, well as long as you are fond of me then that's OK then - and yeah, damn straight who wouldn't be?!

LOL, don't worry I'm not that self centered

I hope to se your fayshe too round 'stings this summer Miranda, it's been far too long! Last memory I have of seeing you is at a battle og the bands approx 18 months ago-ish(?)

Oh, and mines a jagermeister ;)

Deal - but you'll have to have one with me too then if that's the case :)

Right I'm calling it a night. Busy day and all that ahead... I should be in the brass tomorrow night, and round Hastings on sat night so perhaps I shall come across your person then?

Night matey xx

hey gorgeous yeah im ok hows about yourself ? x x x

If you want me I'll be at the day care centre not hanging round here scaring the young folk...

fingers crossed im working my ass off tring to get in shape. if ican loose about 1 stne and a half - 2 stone i have a shot at modelling pressurised stuff lol that stressing me out a bit plus im a bit ill at the moment but hopefully itll all be worth it in the end. exams are stressful im sure u will do wondefully though. have faith in yourself sweetheart xxx

normal service will be resumed ASAP

absoloutley u have to prove to the kids that u were once hot lol

age will take it toll unfortunately lol . thanks sweetheart who are u getting ur photos done by ? x x x

awesome i need a good place to have them done do u mind me asking how much money it set u back im not roling in it at the moment lol x x x x x

lol thanks for the comments about my picture and the poem your so sweet.

i seem to only write poetry abot the darker sides in life not so many people want to read that. they wanna hear about the birds singing and sun shining lol.

aw that sonds very reasonable i shall give that a try.

u will have to show me the photos u get done i bet they will be incredible. so hows life at the moment sweetheart exams, men,work etc going okay? x x x x

MISS SS sorry to jump in) I saw what you wrote on rose wall. I agree so many people are with relationships that don’t really work. But I think that human nature we all feel lonely and need TLC.
Im lucky have a great bunch of mates and live in a shared house with some amazing people. I think that the main reason why I can wait for right one, that what I like to think any how, :-)
I think I need to take you 2 out on to the river on a nice day and yes you can see the sun shinning and birds singing.. The offer thier a gentle kayak/drift up the river one afternoon.

In the interests of paternal welfare...if you go for photos, take someone with you, there's a love

"ooh" and indeed "errr" missis!

seriously though, be safe & sensible, let me know how you get on?

god i am totally negative too. im still in love with the same guy i have beenfor months and i dont have the courage to tell him. iv tried dating other guys but i just end it because they dont compare . but apart from that lol everything is going well x x x x

ha ha u are totally right. i dot think he does love me though and if he does hes got a bloody strange way of showing it. he has a girlfriend but he has told me he doesnt love her and he is just trapped i want to free him lol maybe i will tell him. then we can moan about what fools they both are for not showing us the love they shud lol x xx

regarding your "under the thundercloud" column... I have only just found what I like doing.. and still make regular mistakes and have to do the odd thing I don't like doing not trying to sound like your "dad" just to say. Most people never ever know what they want from life work love.. just like what we have been talking about.. At least you in touch with your feelings ..The little I know of you Im sure it will come ..
Any how "the black makes the white, white.. does it not" :-)
xx

ha ha i know incompetent fuck wits they are lol.

love truely sucks but hey what can u do about ( well other than get a tiny bit bitter and deny all knowledge of confessing ur love when drunk :P ) xxxx

No afraid not. She doesnt breed them anymore. We only have four left and they're all rescued birds from when she ran a bird rescue charity. Some of them are a bit unstable in the head so aren't suitable for rehoming.

Will do.

did you get my last reply to you not sure if it sent

Heh. Thanks, I think.

Are backhanded compliments a speciality of yours?

Mx

Owwerrrrrr. That really hurt. You could have at least taken your rings off first. :-)

Actually, I once accidentally paid to get slapped around a whole lot more than that, but *that's* a story for another time...

thanks for your expert comments as always!

I can't say that's really my thing (hence the 'accidentally' above), but I'm always ready to try something new...

where are you my lovely?

all of the above please...
x

I would recommend hypnotherapy for nerves if you have the resources but other than that it may just be a case a getting used to it (my Mum took her test 5 times before passing for the same reasons)

Heh, I'm only half-geek I think - on my dad's side of the family. The other half of me is borderline lunatic. :-)

I think my problem with contacts is fitting them rather than wearing them - I end up poking myself in the eye half a dozen times before they stay there. Once they're in they're ok, although it's a blessed relief when they come out again, so I only really wear them on holiday when sunglasses or snow goggles take precedence as face furniture.

Texts. Wankered. Sorry

Lab olympics - where do I sign?

Oh yeah, and what does it involve? As long as there's bottles with skulls and crossboneses on, count me in.

I've got a couple of ideas:

+ Pass the parcel. All contestants swallow a marble and as much laxative as they dare. The first to recover their marble wins.

+ What's your poison? Contestants are injected with a random virus then give a load of medical books to self-diagnose with. An antidote is administered once you've correctly identified it, but only 3 guesses allowed.

Hush, wench, lest ye buttocks meet my cane.

Happy birthday..xxx

You're welcome. Don't eat it all at once though - you'll make yourself ill. :-)

M

a return to form? sounds like it...x

if you havent got it. get james new album hey ma it amazing i think it could be the best ..x

I hope you have an excellent Xmas and '09 brings you more than you could hope for, you deserve it.
Oh if I were 20 yrs younger, single, not so ugly....etc etc

It seems the ability to message between us on here has disappeared...?
Anyhoo - I could do with your advice this time, getting anxiety again...got an e-mail addy?

Email sent. From drumhead@gravitymachine.co.uk - oh yeah I should send you my new mobile number too

Offers this as your (recent) journals. In .pdf format.

http://www.box.net/shared/id1nvtqtm0

Always a pleasure, never a chore. ^_^
Hopes this balances things out karma-wise for my recent ill-thought out advise? :-]

Wow the miranda delete-a-thon continues unabated!